God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
