I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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