My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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