dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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