Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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