The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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