so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
