I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
