Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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