you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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