I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
