omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
