Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
