When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
