i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
