I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
