I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
