They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My dad just said "fuck circus"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
