The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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