Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
