you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
