Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
