Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
