It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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