If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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