Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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