He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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