I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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