You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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