I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
