did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
