You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
