this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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