i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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