i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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