Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
