he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
