My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
