Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
