After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
