It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
