I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
As shirtless as possible
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
