I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
