if i can run in heels then i can drive
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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