i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You are the jesus of drinking
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
