It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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