Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
