What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
