im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
