Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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