Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
